All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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