How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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