Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
