i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
