So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
