I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
