Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
