I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
