based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
