Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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