I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
