even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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