so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
