so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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