Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
