Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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