glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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