do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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