Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
