he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
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