the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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