I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
