what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she told me i tasted like america
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
