Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
