I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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