I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
