well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
