ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
