The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
