some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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