We're like a lot better than the average bears
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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