im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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