You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
