M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
