I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
