I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
