no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
