dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
