it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
