What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
