I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
