you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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