im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
