are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
