So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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