i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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