I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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