I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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