I wish my penis had an off switch
What did we do last night that was yellow?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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