We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
