The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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